Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

• Day 40: Today was Hard

  Date: 2010.04.08 | Category: Uncategorized | Response: 1

  So I’m on a business retreat for a project I’m working on…. we’re staying at the CEO’s villa in the Var, a region in the south of France just east of Nice.

  (Brangelina has a home nearby in the Var, outside the town of Correns.)

  The home is in this beautiful isolated countryside. And do you know that everyone in the U.S. thinks living in the south of France is such a dream that I have no right to ever complain?

  Screw that.  We worked as a team for a couple hours.  Then one of the principals broke out the snacks.  Which included chocolate chip cookies.

  I ask you:  Is there a more perfect food on this earth than chocolate chip cookies?

  She brought along rice cakes and almond butter for me, mindful of the world-famous blog, A Year Without Candy.

  But when I saw the package the chocolate chip cookies were housed in, I felt wistful and wanting.

  Fuck this self-denial. I hate it.

  I don’t want rice cakes and almond butter.

  I want chocolate chip cookies.

  I only have this one life – as far as I know.

  Why should I suffer?  I haven’t lost enormous amounts of weight in these 40 days. I’m not a “brand-new person.”

  Today was hard.

  It got harder.

  We broke for lunch and went to this bad Thai restaurant in the town of Caillan.

  It was Thai food served cafeteria style.

  They heated it up in a microwave.

  It so sucked.

  Plus my friends/colleagues had all these American-style desserts like tiramisu and chocolate doughnuts.

  I was still hungry after I ate my suck-ass, half-baked (literally) spicy rice and mushroom chicken.

  My friends ordered tiramisu. I didn’t. (See also: this fucking blog.)

  “Oops, ooohh, sorry,” they said a little too gleefully, even though I assured them this:

  I like to watch.

  Oh yes I do – if I can’t be the one eating the dessert, I like to watch.

  But it was depressing.

  I wanted dessert.

  Dessert to me takes the edge off life.

  Without dessert…

  Life sucks.

  Ta,

  The Bitter, Miserable, Landlocked Swimming Piglet in the Var

  

• Day 35: Dying, Rising and Being Passed Over

  Date: 2010.04.03 | Category: Uncategorized | Response: 3

  

  Slightly freaked that I haven’t posted in five days. It’s a sugar addict trait to get wildly enthusiastic about something, throw yourself into it and then, as my Jewish friends say, feh, you lose interest.

  But if I abandon this blog, I may go right back to candy and I won’t make my goal. Also called not following through.  Like you start the swing, you start the pitch – but you don’t fully commit to it.  Ergo, no home run – ever.

  So let’s just put it out there.  If I drop this blog, or just post half-heartedly, that means I’m dropping myself and doing life half-heartedly.  Which is OK, but I want more out of myself.  So we’ll see how that turns out.

  Let me just adjust my crown of thorns because it’s itchy. I’d also like help dragging the cross through this post because my right shoulder is sore from carrying the weight of the world.

  I have made it through One of the Most Dangerous Weeks (so far.)

  It’s “Joyeuses Pâques” in France.  (Check here for some French Easter traditions.) All the master chocolatiers outdo themselves in an effort to make my life a living hell.  Mouth-watering tableaus of exquisitely-crafted dark and milk chocolate rabbits, velvety smooth-skinned chocolate eggs and all manner of delicious creatures peek out from meticulously-arranged displays in glass windows.

  

  I pass them by, as I did tonight in front of the above window at Maison Auer in the Old Town in Nice, France.  Maison Auer has been here since 1820, turning out these chocolates and candies since 1820.

  I did not make the sign of the cross as I passed by, nor did I sense nails being hammered into my hands or feet.   I’m not quite at the point where self-denial feels…hot,  like some new recruit to Opus Dei, nor am I miserable without candy.

  Five weeks tomorrow without candy. About five days ago, something hit me.  Why do I feel so happy?  Nothing’s changed that much in my life – except giving up candy.  It’s as if those years of sugar lay like miles of dirty snow inside me, bringing me down and I didn’t even know it.

  So I won’t be biting the head off a big chocolate rabbit tomorrow – or devouring candy eggs, marshmallow peeps and jelly beans.  But I miss the Easter of my childhood, when there was an Easter egg hunt in my house every morning – and no thought to self-denial.

  Without the fun, I’ve been thinking more about the drama.  Coincidental, isn’t it, how Easter and Passover come near the same time as each other, especially this year. Weird, too, how the word for “Passover” is the same as the word for “Easter” in many languages, including French.  They call it “Paques Juives” in France.

  Are there any other twinned holidays borne of such blood and guts, life and death that they sound dreamed up by Stephen King, Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson?

  Jesus being nailed to the cross seems like a big deal, but back in the day crucifixions were the electric chair and lethal injection of that era.

  But dying and then rising again – well that was original.  The ultimate happy ending – way before Hollywood.

  Passover is also about good following bad.  It’s a more subtle concept because at first, being passed over doesn’t sound like a good thing.

  Both Easter and Passover start off pretty dark. The Israelites are stuck in Egypt under the brutal thumb of the Pharaoh.  God makes them a deal to get them out so they can serve him but the Pharaoh plays hardball and says no, he won’t let the people go.

  So God prepares to send 10 plagues raining down on Egypt.  The Israelites avoid the pestilence and frogs by bringing a “Passover offering” to the Angel of Death so he will pass them over while he shows Pharaoh & Co. who’s boss. They are told to leave the blood of a freshly-slaughtered lamb on the doorposts and lintels of their home.  They do this, and God “passes over” their homes.

  Egypt takes such a hit that the Pharaoh sucks it up and lets Moses’ people go.

  The Israelites escaped! It was like a scene in one of my favorite movies, “The Bourne Identity” when Jason Bourne’s back is to the wall and you think there is no way out.  But. There. Is.

  The Israelites split so fast they didn’t have time to wait for their bread to rise. They packed it unleavened. Now the modern world has matzo ball soup. There’s always a silver lining! That – along with knowing liberation is right around the corner.

  Jesus, though, took one for the whole team.   Everybody else was stuck here on earth but for the faithful, well, the promise of eternal life doesn’t suck.

  I was doing a lot of stories last week on the sex abuse scandals in the Roman Catholic Church.  I spoke to several great priests – Fr. Steve Josoma in Dedham, Mass. and Fr. Liam Hoare in Dittmer, Mo. to name two.

  I’ve talked to abuse victims, their lawyers, muckracking journalists, ex-priests – so many people who were on the receiving end of the bad stuff in the Catholic Church.  After I interviewed them, I’d ask them at the end of they still considered themselves Catholics.

  All but one person paused for a minute after I asked the question. Some of them sounded conflicted but in the end they all said, yes they still consider themselves Catholic.  Andrew Madden, who in 1995 was the first person to announce publicly in Ireland that he had been sexually abused by a priest, said he is no longer a Catholic but believes in a higher power.

  

  It was refreshing, this past Friday night, to reconnect with my old friend, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach a.k.a. “America’s Rabbi.”  I called him for comment when a senior Vatican priest compared the bad publicity the Pope and the Vatican have been getting over the sex abuse scandals to anti-Semitism.

  Shmuley was in Fort Lauderdale with his wife and nine kids and it was so good to hear my favorite rabbi’s voice.  He’s one of the smartest guys I’ve ever met and I was relieved to be talking to a Jew about this story after weeks of talking to Catholics! Shmuley wasn’t happy about the Vatican’s take but was diplomatic when saying so. He’s gotta be, he’s America’s Rabbi!

  Shmuley’s a true believer.  Love that.

  A couple of years ago I was teasing someone who I knew very well had renounced all religion and never looked back.   “So, do you believe in God?” I asked her one day on Lafayette Street.

  “No,” she said fiercely. “I believe in myself.”

  Another true believer.   Loved her too.

  Don’t love the hypocrites.

  Speak truth to power Sunday  and don’t pass yourself over.

  

• Day 30: Need Motivation? If You Live Where I Live…

  Date: 2010.03.29 | Category: Uncategorized | Response: 0

  If you live where I live, on the Mediterranean, this is what summers look like. So kill the sugar, cue the sun!

• Day 30: Breaking News: Carrie Underwood & Cupcakes

  Date: 2010.03.29 | Category: Uncategorized | Response: 1

  

  Do I really need to catch sight of this important news bulletin breaking across the Internet that Carrie Underwood will be having cupcakes at her wedding rather than a cake?

  Especially when’s it’s around 5 p.m. my time – otherwise known as the perfect time for high tea and cupcakes. For lucky people who allow themselves to eat sweets.

  Carrie says she is ordering her wedding cupcakes from IveyCake In Franklin, Tenn. See photo at left. Which is about as close as I may get to a cupcake during this long year.

  Bitterly yours,
  

• Day 30: Learn the Ancient Secret of Kicking Candy

  Date: 2010.03.29 | Category: Uncategorized | Response: 3

  

  Here’s what I wrote for the Huffington Post to celebrate a month off candy:

  I hope I don’t sound smug when I tell you that this candy addict has managed to last a month so far without candy and sweets. Amazed is how I really feel.

  Maybe blessed is a better word. Yes, blessed, for what has been revealed to me and what I am about to reveal to you.

  Four weeks ago, I announced my not widely-anticipated plan to kick all the sugary things I love for a year. I called it Mission 2010: A Year Without Candy and it coincided with my new blog, A Year Without Candy, in which I chronicle my efforts.

  Big news: While racking up one month candy-free, I stumbled onto a long-hidden secret, passed down through the centuries, usually by albino monks, about a universal law that can help everyone who wants to kick sweets.

  The Ancient Secret to Kicking the Candy Habit – or Da Candy Code for short – reveals the most powerful law in the universe. The knowledge of this law has run like a golden thread through the lives and the teachings of all the prophets, seers, sages and saviors in the world’s history who jonesed for Junior Mints, and through the lives of all truly great men and women – at least the ones with a sweet tooth. All that they have ever accomplished or attained has been done in full accordance with this most powerful law.

  Before I get to the Ancient Secret, let’s look at what we’re up against this week. These are the dangerous days leading up to Easter and I don’t mean just for the Pope.

  I don’t know about you, but enormous, enticing milk chocolate bunnies seem to perch seductively everywhere I look, winking at me and whispering my name as I rush by, covering my ears with my hands so as to resist their siren call.

  Continue reading more here at the Huffington Post

• Day 30: “Cake” Responds to Meg!

  Date: 2010.03.29 | Category: Uncategorized | Response: 0

  After Megan Bozman wrote her “Letter to Cake,” her husband, Kevin Bozman, read it. Coincidentally, not long after that Meg received this response from “Cake” itself…

  

  Dear Meg,
  I appreciate your honesty and admire your sincerity. Let me just start off by letting you know that I do cherish our relationship. Throughout the years we have had countless wonderful experiences together. The feeling of having you fight over me makes me smile. I love how I cause you such anger and turmoil. I am so simple. Just a few ingredients are all I am. I am but made of flour, sugar, eggs, salt, and butter. I mean you no harm at all. It is not my fault that you’re bickering over me. All I want is attention from you. I want you to drool over me. I want you to be thinking about me while you drive in your car. I want my cousins (cookie crumbs in your car) to remind you of me also. Please don’t throw away all we have had together. Our relationship is NOT one way. I give you a quick fix and I receive enjoyment through attention. Attention is what I crave from you.
  I have been missing you these last 2 weeks or so. I am lonely without you. Please come back to me so we can be bad together. Sure you will be mad and upset a few minutes after we reunite but it will be so good. Come eat me!

  Hungrily,
  Cake

• Day 29: Meg’s Love Letter to “Cake”

  Date: 2010.03.28 | Category: Uncategorized | Response: 0

  

  Megan Bozman, fellow candy and sweetfreak, is part of a great little group coached by anti-sugar queen Connie Bennett every Wednesday night. She’s a lot like me in that she doesn’t eat a ton of candy or binge on it – she just craves it a lot and finds it hard to be moderate.

  Connie, who celebrates her 12th year off sugar next month, suggested that all of us write a letter to one favorite dessert or candy and letting it know how we feel. Meg took that assignment and ran with it!

  This is Meg’s letter to Cake.

  Dear Cake,

  It’s not you; it’s me. I am aware this is cliched, but it is the truth in this case. You are not an evil entity. While you are a nutritional wasteland, you are not evil in moderation. I still plan to welcome you into my home to celebrate my son’s birthdays and other such occasions.

  Again, it’s not you; it’s me. Something in me doesn’t react well to you & I realize this. You are fantastic during the too-brief time I get to enjoy you. Ecstatic & wonderful. But too often, before I even finish swallowing the last bite, I just want more! Then, I still want more and more and more. That is where the evil comes into play… it is in large quantities that you become evil.

  And I won’t waste time elaborating on why large quantities of you are bad. That doesn’t bear repeating.

  When I get ensnared by your addictive properties, I feel terrible; both physically & emotionally. The feeling of being hooked is dreadful. For one thing, it’s just simply embarrassing! It also has a negative effect on my self-esteem (really, I can’t “just say no” & only eat a moderate amount?! What is wrong with me?) I don’t have some of the negative effects some experience such as stomach pains, yeast infections, skin problems, & blood sugar crashes causing a rapid decline in both energy & mood. However, I feel bloated, fat, and, well, gross. Feeling fat & gross makes me feel ugly. It’s just bad; just all around bad.

  So there you sit in the conference room. I’m sure others will enjoy you, don’t fret. Cake rarely goes uneaten in any office. But for now, I’m 10 days sweets-free & intend to go another 11 days for a round 3 weeks. At that point, I’m thinking I’ll stick to a serving of dessert or sweets once every 3 weeks.

  Ta ta,
  Meg

• Day 26: Dreaming of Red Twizzlers & Relapses

  Date: 2010.03.25 | Category: Uncategorized | Response: 1

  

  I had a dream last night that I slipped and ate a bunch of red Twizzlers and, I think, some miniature Reese’s peanut butter cups. In the dream I thought, oh I’ll have to confess this in the blog.

  I don’t remember who I was with specifically but I do know it was in some sort of small supermarket and at one key point in the dream I found myself near little display cases of cheap candies.

  My favorite!

  What’s annoying, though, is that I chose to bite into the Twizzlers. They’re okay but I can take them or leave them. They are not even in the top 50 of candies that I like.

  If I am going to lucid-dream about eating cheap candy, I’d rather it be Junior Mints, banana taffy (the kind you can only buy in bodegas on Ninth Avenue in New York City), York peppermint patties, milk chocolate Dove bar bites etc.

  I was talking to someone else last night who was once a Twizzler freak so that must be why I dreamed of them. But I was also talking to a cupcake freak last night.

  Why couldn’t I have dreamed of vanilla cupcakes with fudge icing?

  Life – and dreams – are so unfair.

  Ta for now,
  

• Day 25: The Swimming Piglet Interview!

  Date: 2010.03.24 | Category: Uncategorized | Response: 0

  A Year Without Candy is officially Sleeping with the Enemy.

  The Swimming Piglet has granted her first official interview. No doubt Vanity Fair will be calling next.

  Read the interview here at ToDoCandy.Com – a fabulous candy lovers’ site – with the Swimming Piglet.

  Thanks very much to Sylita and our friends at TodoCandy!

• Day 24: Do I Eat Sugar-less Candy? No!

  Date: 2010.03.23 | Category: Uncategorized | Response: 1

  Here’s why: (see entire page at Livestrong here)

  Side Effects of Sugar-less Candy

  Bloating and Diarrhea
  Sugar alcohols such as xylitol, lactitol,isomalt and maltitol serve as a bulking agent in many sugar-free sweets. They can cause bloating and diarrhea for some, particularly when consumed in large quantities. Most individuals fare well when consuming modest amounts of candy that contain the product, according to Yale-New Haven Hospital. The nutrition label can serve as a reference in determining an appropriate singular serving size.

  Spiked Blood Sugar
  Some people who suffer from diabetes experience a spike in blood sugar when sugar alcohols are eaten in excess. It is believed that this occurs because the ingredient is similar to sugar in some ways, particularly in its sweet flavor. For this reason, people with diabetes should take note of how the ingredient affects them personally and practice moderate consumption overall, says the American Diabetes Association.

  Laxative Effect
  Some individuals experience a laxative or related gastrous effects from sugar alcohol consumption. Small children tend to be particularly sensitive to this side effect, so it may be wise to limit their intake. This adverse effect can range from increased or loosened bowel movements to gas and uncomfortable stomach cramping and is generally associated with excessive intake, says the ADA.

  Drug Interaction
  Many sugar-free candies contain phenylalanine, an essential amino acid. Though it is safe for most people to consume, those who are taking anti-psychotic medication for conditions such as schizophrenia are not encouraged to consume this ingredient. If you are taking any medication, the University of Maryland Medical Center recommends getting a doctor’s guidance regarding intake of phenylalanine.”>here

  Many people depend on sugarless candies for sweets without the adverse caloric or blood sugar consequences sugar-laden candies may pose. Many of these sugar-free sweets contain ingredients that carry potentially burdensome side effects. Though the candies are generally safe when consumed in moderation, an understanding of the potential risks can help you make wise decisions as to whether to consume them and, if you do, when to call call it quits.

  File under “There’s Never Any Free Lunch and it Sucks.”